Don't forget me
by 95Lies
Summary: Eiri Yuki. The pen name fit for reasons his fans would never understand. Because Yuki Kitazawa destroyed Eiri Uesegi's innocence... But Kitazawa's life was not the only one intertwined with Eiri's childhood. There was another. Once. Kyousuke Kagasaki.
1. Chapter 1

**Yuki Kitazawa destroyed Eiri's Uesegi's innocence... But Kitazawa's life was not the only one intertwined with Eiri's childhood. There was another. Once. Kyousuke Kagasaki.**

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><p><em>Bad Luck<em> was soaring. Sales of their debut album were close to two million, publicity was at an all time high, and Shuichi Shindou was loving it. It was like a wonderful dream, this incredible fame, success; it was everything he wanted, and then there was Yuki. Since returning from New York, there was a change in him. His anger, his aggressiveness, and his coldness towards Shuichi had significantly lessened; it was as if he'd finally managed to leave Kitazawa behind, as if visiting the grave had acted as closure for him. And best of all, Yuki had finally managed to accept that he was in love with Shuichi. He no longer pushed him away, but let himself relax around him. Of course, he was still annoyed by him at times, but their arguments were brief and infrequent; both seemed happy.

Yuki had been to the bookstore. As a writer, it was sometimes a welcome break to read something somebody else had written for a change. The book was in his pocket. It wasn't a love story, ironically he tended to find them nauseating. He was walking home; the store wasn't far from the apartment he shared with Shuichi, his lover. It felt strange, even just thinking it. Not quite natural just yet. Even now. But it didn't matter; however confusing it was, Yuki understood now. He was in love with Shuichi, no matter how much of a moron he was. He smiled almost imperceptibly to himself. A wide brimmed black hat covered his hair, and his hazel eyes were shaded by dark glasses, even in the gathering dusk, in an attempt to remain unrecognised. Thankfully, the street was quiet. He kept his head down as he walked, wondering absently whether Shuichi would be there when he got back, things had been busy for the band lately. He wondered whether Shuichi would be going on tour again soon. As much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, he would miss him. Shuichi's energy was what kept him going.

Yuki was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't look up quickly enough to see the other man coming his way, and walked straight into him. "Do me a favour and look where you're going, idiot." The stranger hissed. Yuki looked up, insulted, and found himself staring straight into the face of... He choked on his breath, his eyes widening behind the glasses "Kyo?" The man's face went pale as he recognised Yuki, but he quickly recovered himself, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. "Well if it isn't Eiri Uesugi." The grin bore more resemblance to a smirk, and the bitterness in his tone was impossible to miss. Eiri was silent, not knowing what to say. Kyo laughed and turned away, moving to push past him, but Yuki grabbed his sleeve.

"Wait!" His tone was firm, but Kyo ripped his arm out of Yuki's grasp.

"Don't."

Eiri's own hand dropped to his side. "I'm sorry." Kyo had stopped moving, but didn't turn back to face him. "I was just shocked. I haven't seen you in so long –"

"Yeah yeah." Kyo cut him off. "It's been a while."

"It's been at least fifteen years Kyo. I barely recognised you."

Kyo hesitated before turning back to him. "So?"

Yuki stared at him. "What do you mean 'so?' What are you doing here?"

"I live here." Kyo said. The challenge in his tone was clear, but his eyes were smiling, his head tilted slightly to the side. Yuki realised that he was teasing him by being deliberately vague; but kept his voice low, knowing better than to rise to it. "You live in Kyoto." He countered flatly.

"Not any more."

"What are you talking about?"

"I moved. Obviously."

Yuki's eyes narrowed. Why was he letting this stupid jerk mouth off to him like this? Kyo was making a fool out of him. But... The way he was smiling, maybe it just reminded Yuki of the past; back before he ever met Kitazawa; when he'd been properly happy, and so innocent, both of them.

Now they were both as twisted as one another.

"Where are you living now?" He didn't know why he was asking. It was just that, he couldn't believe this was happening. It was so surreal to be meeting Kyo again, after all this time, everything that had happened. He wasn't really expecting an answer, but was pleasantly surprised when Kyo spoke. "It's just a flat, In the Fujisami building on the main street." He turned to leave. "That doesn't mean I'm inviting you." Yuki stared after him as he walked away. Then tore his gaze away and continued home, dazed.

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><p>"Yuki? Are you ok?" For once, Shuichi's wide eyes looked serious. "You've been acting strangely ever since you got home. Where were you anyway?" Yuki didn't look up from the steaming bowl of rice he held in one hand. "I went to the bookstore."<p>

He used the chopsticks in his other hand to lift some more of the rice into his mouth, avoiding the first question. He didn't know if he was ok. Seeing Kyo had brought back memories he didn't care to remember; and now, thinking about how he had immersed himself in self pity all these years made him feel sick when he remembered what Kyo had suffered. How horrifying, to realise that he had remained so distracted by his own misfortunes, that he had not once stopped to consider how Kyo was doing. Not once in over fifteen years.

"Did something happen?" Shuichi probed anxiously. Yuki swallowed and sighed, placing the bowl back on the table. "No." He didn't know why he wasn't telling Shuichi about Kyo, he just couldn't; not yet. He stood up. "Yuki?" Shuichi placed his own bowl down. "aren't you going to eat that?"

"I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed." Shuichi stood up. "are you sure you're ok?" Yuki turned, lifting one hand to Shuichi's cheek; he stepped towards him and pressed their lips together, feeling Shuichi's face grow hot beneath his fingers. He pulled away gently. "Shut up." He let his fingertips trace Shuichi's jaw line as he stepped back, letting him know that he wasn't angry, then he left the room.

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><p>The light flickered reluctantly into life as Kyo closed the door softly behind him. He shucked off his jacket and kicked his shoes into the corner beside the door before stepping into the flat. There was a small step up from the miniature hallway before the walls opened out into the main room, the walls were painted a scuffed cream and there was a low table set in the centre of the floor space, a small cushion placed at each end to sit on. An ancient TV was pushed against the wall nearest the door, and on the other side were three windows. It was an incredibly plain room; but then, Kyo had taken no furniture with him when he moved here, and had not acquired much since. He had no interest in decorating the flat; he had only ever lived alone.<p>

The floorboards were cold enough for him to feel it through his socks as he padded over and sat cross legged on one of the lumpy cushions. He didn't turn on the TV, but leant his elbows on the table and dropped his face into his hands.

If he was utterly honest, he had known that Eiri lived here long before he moved, and though he had tried and tried to deny it even to himself. Kyo had always hoped that maybe he would meet him again. The boy who had shown him so much kindness when he had first started to fall apart. But... Eiri was so different now. His face was so much harder than the warm, open, loving boy that Kyo remembered. He knew that Eiri had suffered, but he had never thought about how much it would have changed him, until now, now that he had seen it himself.

The Eiri he had known was long gone. He had no one left.

Everybody who had once loved him, supported him, had left him behind.

He felt the tears on his face before he realised he was crying, curling himself over further until fingers slid into his hair, arms curled protectively up over his head. He hated that sound, that pitiful moan that squeezed from his throat as his shoulders heaved with sobs. It made him feel like a kid again, just as helpless as he had been back when his mother had married that monster. Betraying him, so that Eiri had quickly become the only person who stood by him, even when he had yelled and screamed and thrown it back in his face.

"Eiri..." he choked. Such a sickening sound, to be begging for help from someone who barely even recognised you anymore. Kyo brought both fists slamming down onto the table as a scream erupted from his lips "shut up!" he chastised himself, "you worthless loser!" His eyes were screwed shut but the tears kept coming, rolling downs his cheeks and dropping into his lap. His fists slowly unclenched, the anger that had made his blood surge slowly dissipating until he felt completely empty, and his eyes stopped pushing out tears.

He stood up, crossed to his jacket, and took a half empty packet of cheap cigarettes and a lighter out of the pocket. He lit up and opened a window, letting the cool, night air drag the smoke away and dry the last tears on his face as he inhaled deeply.


	2. Chapter 2

Reviews would be much appreciated, just to let me know if you like this and whether I should carry on with it, thanks :)

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><p>Eiri didn't know when he had decided to visit Kyo, but the day after meeting him he found himself walking past the block of flats that he had mentioned living in. He stopped, looked around, and considered going in; before realising Kyo hadn't given him a flat number.<p>

Clearly Kyo had only given out the address to get Eiri off his back, never imagining he would actually visit.

Eiri looked up at the building; a typical block of flats, it was built from faded yellow concrete, each apartment with a small section of the balcony which spanned the face of the building. Some of the balconies had towels and sheets hung out to dry in the glaring sunlight, others stored kids toys and bikes, but none were deep enough to house a table or chairs. It was a shabby, tired looking building, the sunlight glinting off dirty windows and rusted balcony railings. Yuki made up his mind and walked purposefully towards the security code unit outside the door. He tried a code, then another, his fingers moving with certainty as if he was one of the residents, before noticing a young woman walking towards him. Perfect.

She frowned "have you forgotten the code?" He made no reply, simply taking off his glasses. She gasped, her mouth forming a perfect 'O' of surprise. "E- Eiri Yuki." She breathed. "I love your work, I –"

"I'm looking for someone." He cut her off, slipping the glasses back on to avoid causing a stir. She took the hint and fell obediently silent, although her fingers were clutched so tight around the handle of her bag that her knuckles had turned white. "Kagasaki Kyousuke. He lives in this building. Just a little shorter than I am, brown eyes, orange hair –"

"Oh yes!" She broke in. "He lives just across from me. I –" she blushed fiercely, "I could show you where..." She looked at the floor, embarrassed.

"that would be very helpful, thank you." Eiri replied, his face as emotionless as ever.

"Really?" She squealed, "I mean, uh... sure." He granted her a small, courteous smile her as she led him into the building.

"I think this is him." Eiri's guide mumbled, stopping in front of door number 23. He turned to her, "thank you –"

"Nami." She informed him, blushing again. Pulling a notepad and pen from the inside of his jacket, Eiri scrawled a looping signature alongside her name and handed it to her. She suppressed a squeal and bowed reverently. "I hope you find your friend okay."

He watched, bemused, as she scuttled into her own flat, then turned and knocked on the door in front of him. There was a pause as he waited for Kyo to answer, and he was beginning to think there was no one home when the door slowly opened.

Kyo looked like he'd just woken up, dressed in a plain white sleeveless t shirt and jeans, his feet were bare, his hair tousled into his eyes; which were dull with exhaustion. There was a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth and he removed it slowly, exhaling the smoke to the left of Yuki's face. He did not look happy to see him.

"You never gave me a flat number. I'm assuming you didn't expect me to turn up." Kyo took another drag of the cigarette, this time making to effort to prevent exhaling into Yuki's face.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Yuki took off the dark glasses and slipped them into his pocket. "Can I come in?"

"I just want to talk," he added when Kyo remained unmoving. There was a moment of hesitation, before Kyo slowly stepped back, opening the door far enough for Yuki to enter. He stepped neatly into the flat and removed his shoes, facing them in the direction of the door as a gesture of politeness. He also removed his hat and jacket, hanging up the latter on a rail to his right, and placing the hat beside his shoes.

Kyo had already moved into the tiny kitchen, and was boiling water for coffee, Yuki mounted the small step and crossed to the centre of the living room, surveying the view from the row of windows along the far wall; there was a set of double doors to the balcony but beyond them there was nothing much to see, Kyo had little in the way of possessions, and the balcony was empty.

Yuki turned to the flat itself for guidance; the main room was almost entirely bare, but for the low table and two floor cushions, as would be used on tatami mat flooring. However, the building was modern enough to have floorboards, suggesting that the cushions were simply cheaper than chairs. There was a glass ashtray in the centre of the table, and an old, boxy TV pushed against the wall opposite the balcony, the only other object in the room besides the small table and cushions.

Standing with his back to the balcony, Yuki could see through to the kitchen on his right, a small, grubby looking room housing only counters, a sink and drainer, a fridge and an oven, with dry food stored in overhead cupboards or those beneath the countertops. Windows continued along the balcony wall into the kitchen, letting light spill into the room. The flooring in the kitchen was a cheap linoleum, posing as tile, and the walls were painted the same yellowed cream as the rest of the flat.

To Yuki's right was simply a sliding screen, but it was easy enough to guess that behind it lay Kyo's bedroom and the bathroom.

Yuki noticed Kyo scowling at him from the entrance to the kitchen, a small cup of coffee in each hand; and he crossed to the cushion closest to the screen and sat. Kyo followed, silently moving to sit opposite. He placed Yuki's coffee in front of him; black and without sugar, but didn't ask him if he would like it any other way. Yuki remained silent; fortunately he usually drank it that way.

Kyo raised his own cup to his lips and blew on it, stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray whilst deliberately avoiding eye contact; but after Yuki mimicked him, it was he who broke the silence.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Kyo's voice was bitter and challenging, as usual, but Yuki could sense his initial anger had faded, replaced instead by curiosity.

"Well, we never really spoke yesterday, I just..." He thought a moment, what exactly had he wanted to talk about? He realised that, actually, he had just wanted to talk. To see if talking to Kyo would help him make sense of this mess of feelings inside him as he remembered the past. But suddenly the words just felt out of place.

"What brought you here?" He asked, taking a sip of the scorching coffee. Kyo said nothing for a moment, then, out of the blue, Yuki noticed the corner of his mouth twitch upwards into a smile. Something that sounded like a laugh escaped his lips. Yuki's coffee cup sank slowly back to the table as Kyo let out a definite snigger; he clasped a hand over his mouth, his own face looking almost as stunned as his guest's. The snigger turned into a laugh, his eyes screwing shut as his head tipped back; he clutched his ribs. Yuki stared, wide eyed, only making Kyo laugh harder, he slumped forward, tears rolling down his face, before looking back up and wiping his eyes.

"Sorry," he mumbled. Yuki looked wholly confused as Kyo struggled to control himself.

"Why are you laughing?"

Kyo wiped fresh tears from his eyes, "you're just..." He hastily suppressed another fit of laughter, "you're so different." He explained, serious now. Yuki was silent; it was true. He was different to the Eiri Kyo had known so well. Very different. "I feel like I'm at a job interview, you're so damn serious," Kyo added, collapsing into hysterics again. Yuki found himself smiling too, even laughing along. And suddenly he understood Kyo's change of heart; it felt so good, such a relief just to laugh it off, all of the anger between them simply evaporating. It brought back memories.

When they fell silent again, Kyo spoke, "my mother died."

"I'm sorry," Yuki replied. Kyo looked up at him, his eyelashes still wet.

"That's why I came here, I mean. I had to get out of Kyoto, you know?" Yuki nodded; he did know. He knew what it felt like, to have so many bad memories associated with a place that the only solution was simply to leave; he knew more than anyone what that felt like.

"Akira; he hadn't let me see her for years. I didn't go to the funeral, I just left."

Kyo fell silent, hoping Yuki wouldn't ask him why he had come here, because what would he say? _Because I knew you were here, because I wanted to see you. _No. This man was not the boy he had hoped to find.

"I'm sorry." Yuki repeated.

"It's not your problem," was Kyo's reply.

Yuki saw the stiffness return, Kyo's eyes clouding over. He searched for something to say, grappling not to lose that familiar ground they had found just minutes ago. "Kyousuke..." he breathed, and saw Kyo tense. "Why did you come _here_?"

There was silence. Then Kyo stood. "I have to go to work," he stated flatly, "you should leave." Yuki didn't move, simply looking up at him. "Kyousuke..." he pushed. Kyo's fists clenched. Yuki stood slowly, pushing himself up from the floor with typical grace.

"I'm sorry I never came to find you."

Kyo's eyes didn't rise from the floor. "It doesn't matter," he replied. But the lie was painfully obvious.

Yuki said nothing, unable to explain further just how guilty he felt. He sensed that Kyo was done talking and moved toward his things. Kyo remained motionless as he slipped his shoes and jacket back on, placing the hat back over his shaggy blonde hair. "Thanks for the coffee." He called over his shoulder as he opened the door to the flat.

"No problem."

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><p>Eiri pushed his hands into his pockets as he started back home, his hat tipped low over his face and his head bowed. He glanced back up at Kyo's window; a flash of orange hair told him that Kyo had watched him leave. He tore his gaze away.<p>

It was with a mix of feelings that he left the main street; every time he saw Kyo he felt a strange warmth, a blissful wave of nostalgia, a strange, fluttering in his stomach. But these butterflies had razor tipped wings. They flew into his throat, filling his mouth so that he found it impossible to say how he felt. His guilt was a physical pain, like a knife behind his eyes, filling his head when he thought about how he had betrayed Kyo. How he had been the only person the boy had left, and he had tossed him aside just like everybody else just as soon as he'd met Kitazawa. As a boy he'd thought nothing of it, too distracted by foolish adoration and childish naivety.

But he'd forgotten Kyo just as readily as the boy's mother, something he should never have done.

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><p>He could still remember with aching clarity the day of the accident, the way Eiri's own mother had received the phone call from Miyako, telling her that Kyo was in a critical condition in hospital.<p>

Kyo's father had been driving the car, his brother Kenta asleep in the back seat. Both Kenta and Kyo's father Satsuki were killed almost instantly.

Ten year old Kyousuke was the only survivor, lying semiconscious in unbearable pain among the wreckage, his ribs having collapsed in, puncturing a lung and rendering him almost unable to breathe. He had undergone emergency surgery to realign his ribs, and was given a lung transplant.

However, the physical damage to Kyo's body was not what worried his family, but the mental strain he would suffer as soon as he woke up to find his father and brother gone.

Eiri was two years Kyo's senior, and could remember well the multiple times they had visited him in the hospital, Eiri's father having been close friends with Satsuki and Miyako since University. Kyo had not said one word in the ten or more times they visited, seeming barely even to notice their presence. Eiri's mother had been incredibly sweet, bringing the boy sweets, books and games that she thought might interest him in an effort to take his mind off the gaping hole in the family. They noticed after a while how Kyo began to look up as they entered; his eyes wide with hope.

He was waiting for his mother; but Miyako did not come.

Eventually Kyo had come out of hospital, but did not go back to school for another two months; Miyako found him a strain to look after, finding his silence unbearable, and blaming him for the loss of her husband and youngest son. Eiri would visit once, sometimes twice a week, having been closest to Kyo out of the three Uesegi children before the accident. He took Kyo schoolwork sometimes, other times he simply sat with him, sometimes reading to him, sometimes simply trying to coax him into conversation. Gradually Kyo began to speak again, small words at first; but Eiri was patient, he built up sentences, started to speak spontaneously rather than simply when asked a direct question.

Until one day, when Eiri turned up at the Kagasaki household to find Kyo utterly silent again. There was a bruise on the side of his face, the kind of mark that would be left by a fierce slap. Eiri understood instantly.

The next time Kyo spoke, it was a different kind of speech; everything about him became angry and aggressive, pushing away anyone who tried to help him. But Eiri kept trying.

It was difficult, but Eiri kept pushing even when Kyo yelled at him to leave him alone, giving him nothing but kindness until he grew used to Kyo's anger, it no longer bothered him. Because Kyo's anger towards Eiri was different to that with other people, it was a defensive kind of anger that was designed only to keep Eiri at a distance, they both knew he didn't mean what he said, and Eiri remained nothing but a friend to him. He knew that Kyo needed him, nobody else understood him the way that Eiri did. Nobody else.

Then, when Kyo turned thirteen, Miyako remarried. Akira had no attachment to Kyo, and didn't bother trying to forge one. The boy was deliberately difficult, hating Akira for replacing Satsuki in Miyako's eyes and trying only to push them apart. Kyo wanted Miyako all to himself, wanting nothing more than to prove to her that he could be just as good as Kenta, no matter how much hatred she showed him. Eventually everything became too much for Miyako, and she sent Kyo to a boarding school as far away from home as possible.

By this time Eiri had just turned sixteen, and had met Kitazawa. When Kyo first disappeared, he vowed to write to him every week. And at first, he did. It was only gradually that his desire to impress Kitazawa overcame all thoughts of Kyo, his letters remaining unwritten as his friend faded from him mind.

That was the last time he had heard anything from Kyo, until now. And it was all his fault. He reached the apartment he shared with Shuichi; naive, innocent Shuichi, who, he realised reminded him so much of himself, before he had killed Kitazawa. And before he had deserted the boy who needed him most in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**No reviews for the last chapter of this? If you read and didn't like, constructive criticism's a whole lot better than nothing! If there is anyone who really wants me to carry on with this leave a review and I'll be hapy to continue, otherwise I think I'll just leave it at this. I hope you enjoy it anyway!**

**Disclaimer: I left this out so far because I forgot. I do not own the anime series Gravitation. The only thing I do own is this story and the character of Kyousuke.**

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><p>It was a further three days before Eiri saw Kyo again. In fact, he hadn't been planning to, having decided that Kyo wasn't going to forgive him for the way he had betrayed him as a child, and neither should he. Kyo had never asked Eiri for anything; it was he who had promised he would write to the boy every week he spent at the boarding school he had attended for four long, lonely years. But Eiri had broken that promise, and a simple 'sorry' was not going to repair a friendship so broken as theirs. It hurt to think about it, the guilt and regret a heavy ache in his stomach as he remembered the guarded way Kyo had acted towards him at the end of their last meeting, a way he always used to reserve for others. He hadn't seen that look in Kyo's eyes since long, long ago; at least, not directed at him. Lately Kyo treated Eiri like a stranger.<p>

Eiri sat heavily on the couch in the apartment he and Shuichi now shared and lit a cigarette. He heard a key in the door. Shuichi. Sure enough, Shindou rushed into the room, his eyes bright as always. Eiri didn't move from the coach, but removed the cigarette from his mouth just long enough to welcome Shuichi home. Shindou noticed Eiri's apparently lousy mood from the way he was slumped on the coach, and came over to sit beside him, his little pink head resting neatly on Eiri's shoulder. "It's good to be home," he replied, letting Eiri know in his tone that he was there if his lover wanted to talk. When Eiri said nothing Shuichi simply let his small hand creep to where Eiri's lay in his lap, their fingers fit together easily. Eiri smiled softly to himself and let his own head rest against Shuichi's. The cigarette hanging lip and forgotten in his outstretched hand. He watched it burn out as they sat there.

When Shuichi began to get fidgety, Eiri unclasped their hands and leaned forward to drop the cigarette into the ashtray on the coffee table. Shuichi hopped up and announced that he would make dinner. Eiri remained still, feeling the sudden cold as Shuichi left his side.

He found himself thinking of Kyo again. Except, at least Eiri knew that Shuichi was coming back. He had never come back to Kyo. He propped his elbows on his knees and allowed his head to fall into his hands.

After almost half an hour Shuichi brought him a bowl of noodles. They ate an informal sort of dinner at the coffee table, over which Shuichi finally asked what was bothering him.

"Yuki. You're acting weird again. What's going on?"

Eiri didn't want to tell him. Felt it was too personal, that Kyo's past was not something that was his to disclose, and that what had happened between them was not worth bringing up. But the concern in Shuichi's wide violet eyes moved something inside him, so that he found himself telling the boy everything.

When he finished, Shuichi was silent. Both chewed silently for a minute.

"He must be lonely." Shuichi said suddenly.

"What?"

"He lives alone right? No roommate. No girlfriend. He must be lonely."

There was a pause. "Yeah."

Eiri placed his empty bowl down. "There's somewhere I have to be." He stood abruptly. Shuichi stared at him. "What? Where are you going?" He demanded, hurt. "I made you dinner! This is supposed to be our alone time!" Shuichi's voice rose in both pitch and volume as Eiri slipped into his shoes and jacket.

"I have a meeting with my editor, don't wait up for me." He closed the front door behind him as Shuichi's mouth gaped open.

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><p>Kyo was barefoot when he came to the door, dressed in jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. "What are you doing here?" He questioned Eiri, "little late for a coffee don't you think."<p>

"I came to apologise." Kyo paused before stepping back to let him in. Eiri watched him cross to the other side of the room and look out of the window at Tokyo, lit up in the velvet dark; he slipped off his shoes and jacket and silently moved to join him at the window. It was cold in the flat, and he wondered whether Kyo always had it like this.

"I know..." he began. Kyo turned to look at him.

"What? What do you know?" He broke in. "You don't know anything."

Eiri wasn't sure how to reply. "You think that, just because you killed somebody, that puts us in the same boat. But you killed somebody you'd known for less than a year, it was an accident, and you barely even knew him.

I killed my family. My own family. Kenta... My father. Part of me thinks I might have helped kill my mother too. It makes me wish I'd died with them in that car accident.

You thought you were in love with him, I know that.

I'm sorry. I know that it must have been difficult. I know everything about you, because I made it my business to find out. At first, when you stopped writing, I thought something might have happened to you. I was worried... Actually, I was terrified.

You were always the person I knew I could rely on. I didn't realise how much I needed that until I thought I'd lost you. I ran away from the school, into the town. I'd stolen some money from one of other students, and I used it on a payphone to call your house.

I knew that if you were ok you'd be at school, but your mother would be there. When she picked up I said I just wanted to see how you were doing; I never told her about the letters. She said you were fine, very happy in fact.

I couldn't stand it, nothing had happened to you at all. You were just fine, and you were happy to be rid of me. I didn't know what to say, I just thanked your mother and hung up. Somebody came to find me and took me back to the school; they took me to the nurse because I wouldn't stop throwing up." Eiri's chest burned with shame.

"Then when I left, I was eighteen, I visited your house. Mika was there, she invited me in, told me everything. She offered to let me stay but I said I was meeting someone in Nagasaki. Then I went back to Kyoto. When I got to the house, I heard my mother. I considered just going in, I fantasised she might welcome me back with open arms." He laughed bitterly.

"Then I heard Akira with her, I couldn't hear what they were saying but just his voice was enough. I left, slept rough for a while until I had enough money for my own place. I was working in a factory just out of town. I always lived within walking distance of the house, I used to pass it sometimes, but I never went in. I guess I was afraid."

Eiri was silent. "So, don't tell me you know. We're two very different people Eiri; we've lived two different lives. Besides, it's been a while. Right now, you're a stranger to me."

"I want you to know that I didn't stop writing because I didn't want to, it wasn't because I was bored of you either, or because I didn't want to be your friend, it was just that –"

"Kitazawa was more important." Kyo broke in, his eyes suddenly filled with anger.

Eiri opened his mouth, but could think of nothing to say. "Everybody has someone more important. My mother had Akira, yours had her own family, Tatsuo, Mika, they both had other friends. I thought, at least I have Eiri. But then you met Kitazawa." The bitterness in his tone was fierce. Eiri reached out but Kyo's hand flew towards him, the back of it catching Eiri across the face. He staggered backwards.

He felt anger rising in his chest. Eiri knew he had done wrong. He knew that well enough. But here he was trying to apologise and all Kyo could do was throw it back in his face, the same way he always had.

"I told you I was sorry. I can't change the past Kyo, what more do you want me to do?" He demanded, his voice rising.

"I don't want your stupid apology. How do I know you even mean it?" He spat.

"Don't pretend to care about me just because it makes you feel better. You're a heartless bastard Eiri, anybody can see that."

"You don't know anything about me, remember?" Eiri shot back, yelling.

"I know Eiri Uesegi, not you. You're just a self pitying asshole. You can't stop torturing yourself about Kitazawa but from what I hear he deserved to die."

Eiri's fist struck Kyo's face before he even realised what he was doing, sending a bright, crimson ribbon of blood shooting from his mouth. He staggered but did not fall, turning instead to stare at Eiri, blood dripping from his split lip. His breathing was heavy, his eyes burning with hatred. The side of his face already beginning to bruise. _A bruise the size and shape of a hand, the kind only a vicious slap would leave. Kyousuke looks at the floor as if waiting for Eiri to scold him, as if the slap mark is his own fault; maybe that's what he thinks. It's impossible to tell how many of Miyako's lies have really affected him._

Eiri saw Miyako's slap in his own. Saw himself as the exact person he had struggled so desperately to protect Kyo from all those months. He stared down at the blood on his knuckles, hating himself. "I..." he breathed. "Kyousuke..." He looked up to where Kyo stood motionless, reached out and pulled him into an embrace. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He felt tears on his face and recognised them as his own.

Kyo didn't pull away, but stood stiffly in Eiri's arms, disarmed by the change of heart. He noticed a warm wetness on his shoulder and realised Eiri was crying.

Something inside him broke, his anger dissipating as he realised that Eiri didn't need to apologise, didn't need to prove his sincerity. Kyo knew that, really, he had forgiven him a long time ago.

Eiri pulled back, but didn't let go of Kyo; they were almost exactly the same height, and he found himself looking directly into confused brown eyes. "Stop crying. I believe you." Kyo said simply. "I forgive you." Eiri said nothing, moving so that their faces were almost touching. Kyo remained stiff, his eyes wide with confusion. Eiri's pointed tongue flickered out of his mouth and caught the blood dripping from Kyo's lower lip. "What are you –"

Kyo shut up when Eiri's mouth closed over his own. He didn't pull away; he didn't move at all, shock immobilising him.

Eventually Eiri pulled back, his eyes searching Kyo's for some kind of reaction.

Kyo's hands fisted in the back of Eiri's shirt, and this time it was he who leaned in; his mouth crashing against Eiri's. It was his turn to be shocked; as far as he knew, Kyo was utterly straight. But then... it was funny what so many years of aching loneliness could do to someone. He could taste Kyo's blood on his tongue. He pulled him closer, his hands sliding under his shirt until he could feel the tip of the long scar that stretched down his chest. He stepped back.

Kyo watched him lift the shirt, take in the scar. It was still there, still slightly raised, an everlasting reminder of the accident. Eiri's eyes moved to the discolouration over the right side of his chest, stretching from his abdomen across his ribs and up to his shoulder, his skin was a faded red; the burn mark tattooed into his flesh.

Kyo took off the shirt and dropped it to floor, seemingly unaffected by the cold. Eiri reached out and traced the scar with his fingertips, his hands roaming along Kyo's ribs, feeling the joins where the bones had fused back together. He traced the edge of the burn, his fingers hesitant. Kyo closed his eyes. Eiri's hands moved to his waist, pulling Kyo's mouth back onto his own.

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><p>Eiri woke cold. He was lying on a futon, a thin sheet just covering him. At first he had no idea where he was; and then he remembered. He rolled over and saw the crumpled sheets where Kyo had been. He closed his eyes, remembering the way Shuichi had come to sit beside him just last night. The memory felt further away, blurred by memories of Kyo just a few hours ago.<p>

He had slept with Kyo. He felt bad about it. In fact, he felt terrible for Shuichi.

But he didn't regret it.

He could hear the shower in the next room. Kyo. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling; he had no idea what time it was, but the sunlight streaming through the single window on the wall to his right told him that it was well into the morning by now. It was freezing in the bed without Kyo, but he didn't want to move just yet.

The shower shut off. A few minutes later he heard Kyo making coffee in the kitchen, he smelled cigarette smoke. He still didn't move.

The front door slammed.

Eiri sat up abruptly. He stood, wrapping the bed sheet around himself for warmth, and walked through to the main room. It was empty. So was the kitchen; the bathroom too.

Kyo was gone.

He sat heavily on one of the floor cushions. A cigarette still glowed in the ashtray where Kyo had tossed it down. There was no note; nothing. He had just walked out. Eiri realised he had no idea where Kyo worked anyway, so he wouldn't be able to find him even if he tried.

He sat there for a while before accepting that Kyo wouldn't be coming back any time soon. He showered and dressed, feeling a little sick. He thought about the way he had treated Shuichi, pushing him away for so long before finally accepting him.

It had taken him a long time to realise that he loved Shuichi, to accept that he wanted to be with him, and to trust himself not to mess things up. And now he had.

And Kyo had walked out on him. He wondered if this was how Shuichi had felt the countless times he had walked away from him; this dull ache of nausea, coupled by the coldness of rejection. It was not a pleasant sensation.

Eiri lit a cigarette. What was he going to do? He loved Shuichi, but right now all he wanted was for Kyo to come back. All he wanted was... Kyo. The memory of last night remained unfading in his mind, he had vowed to himself when he was sixteen years old that he would never let himself fall so hard for someone again, and yet he found himself filled with angst, his eyes stinging, wondering if Kyousuke had left for good and would never come back to Tokyo again. He stubbed out the cigarette, disgusted with himself for being so pathetic.

Obviously last night had been a one off. Kyo didn't want anything more; he probably didn't want to see Eiri ever again. Maybe he wasn't even gay, just confused and painfully lonely. Eiri sighed out the last of the cigarette smoke, wondering what it was that had ever drawn him to Kyo. Of course, at first it had been guilt that had brought him here. But that wouldn't explain what had compelled him to kiss him. Kyo was almost the complete opposite of Shuichi; Shuichi was cute, upbeat, caring. Kyo was anything but; people had always said he was good looking, but he hadn't been called cute since he was eleven, his face was too closed and hard to resemble anything cute or upbeat. Kyo had cut himself off from everyone he had known. No. They had cut themselves off from him.

Maybe that was what was attractive about him. His strength. Shuichi was as naive as he was loving, having spent his whole life protected from tragedy by family and friends, always surrounded by those who loved him. Kyo had never been granted such a blissful life. He had suffered continually, weighed down by guilt and pain and loneliness for so long. And yet he had come to Tokyo to make a life for himself. He had made it all on his own, and would continue to do so, no matter how torn up he was inside. He knew how to mask his own insecurities, how to defend himself from further hurt. Maybe... Maybe that was the reason he had left this morning, unable to accept the way he had so completely let himself go and terrified that a relationship with Eiri would only cause him more pain.

Eiri made up his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**A massive thanks to everyone who took the time to review Chapter 3, this chapter wouldn't exist without you and I'm so grateful for your feedback! I'm glad to be continuing with this actually as it's the first time I've written anything that even comes close to yaoi and has proved an interesting challenge. I wanted to experiment with the seme and uke themes by balancing both characters stubborn natures in this chapter, I'm not sure how I feel about it but I hope for your feedback on what you thought of it.**

**Contains some 'coarse language' although infrequent. **

**Sorry it's a little short, and I'm going to ask for around three reviews minimum per chapter from now on? May be a little ambitious but we'll see how it goes. Enjoy!**

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><p>Nami was leaving for work in the morning when the man approached her; he was a short, fat, scruffy looking person, with an unattractive mess of thinning brown hair. His forehead was unpleasantly shiny and an expensive camera hung around his neck.<p>

"Good morning," he called to her, shuffling over and bowing hastily, "my name is Genji Rukachi, and I'm doing a newspaper report on the author Eiri Yuki. I noticed you talking to someone who looked very much like him a few days ago outside here, and I was wondering if you would be able to confirm that fact."

Nami's eyes narrowed. "If you'll excuse me asking, what exactly is your news report on?"

Rukachi waved his chubby hand dismissively, "oh, mostly about his overall success," he replied, "and of course how this relates to that of Shuichi Shindou, his alleged lover." Nami didn't want to answer anything that might land Eiri in trouble with the press, but this man didn't seem to be anyone very important.

"Of course, if you do have any information, I would be more than happy to pay you for your trouble." Rukachi tempted.

"And if you were able to give me any details... well, would ¥120,000 about cover it?"

Nami's eyes widened. "Why would you give me ¥120,000 just for the details of Mr Yuki's visit?"

"So it _was_ him?" Rukachi pressed, scribbling onto a notepad he had pulled from his coat pocket. "And he was visiting someone?"

Nami thought of the busted shower in her flat, the dress she'd had repaired almost three times because it was the best one she had, the laptop that had deleted two solid hours of work after crashing just two weeks ago.

"Okay." She said. "I'll talk. But how do I know you'll pay me?"

"Ah" Rukachi grinned, "actually, I had hoped you might take me up on my offer, I've got it right here," he said, momentarily taking an envelope out of his pocket and showing her its contents. "How about we nip into that little café over there, you give me the information, I give you the money, everybody's happy." He granted her a greasy smile.

"I'll be late for work," Nami said, wavering, "you won't miss half an hour's wages with this," Genji grinned, patting his pocket. Nami hesitated, then nodded and followed him in.

* * *

><p>Eiri was in his office, typing furiously on his laptop, when Shuichi let himself in. Slipping off his shoes, he crept into the office as silently as he could, Eiri's eyes remaining focussed on the glowing screen; Shuichi sneaked around behind the chair and placed his hands over his lover's eyes. "Guess who?" Shuichi cooed, giggling.<p>

"Get off me you damn brat," was Eiri's irritated reply, only making Shuichi giggle further as he moved his hands to Eiri's shoulders and leant forward to peck him on the cheek. "Shuichi, I need to talk to you." Eiri sighed, closing the laptop and taking off his glasses. Shuichi clung to him like a monkey, hugging him from behind. "Shuichi..." His tone was uncharacteristically resigned, and Shuichi immediately knew that something must be wrong. He had been avoiding asking Yuki where he had been all night, thinking that it would only irritate his lover, and that, considering Shuichi had fallen asleep pretty early and not woken until the next morning, it was possible that Eiri had simply gone out again by the time he woke. Now that he knew nothing had happened to his beloved, he didn't want to believe that Eiri may actually have been gone all night. "I have something to tell you." Eiri stated reluctantly, sadly.

"It's about last night isn't it?" replied Shuichi, his arms only clasping Eiri's shoulders tighter as his eyes began to sting, surely Eiri wouldn't have... _couldn't have_... spent the night with someone else? Eiri reached up and gently prised Shuichi's arms away from him, pulling the boy around to sit on the stool beside him. "Shuichi I..."

He didn't know how to explain... Shuichi's lower lip began trembling. "I spent the night with Kyo," he stated, looking away as he found himself unable to meet Shuichi's gaze.

"You... you what?" Shuichi's eyes seemed to have grown to twice their normal size as fat tears swelled within them. His hands grasped Eiri's. "Yuki?"

"I slept with Kyo." Eiri's face was pained, sad. Shuichi was silent. "I'm sorry." Eiri said, before standing up and leaving the room. Shuichi's hands remained outstretched, aching for a lover that he could no longer reach, as tears began to pour down his face. "Yuki..." he choked.

_How could you do this to me? Yuki... I thought... I thought that... that maybe you loved me... Why would you do this? Yuki... I love you so much! No one could ever love you like I do! Why is that not enough? Why is it never enough? Yuki..._

Eiri slumped against the wall in the bedroom, closing his eyes and trying to ignore Shuichi's soft sobs from the office. He slid to the floor, his back against the wall, one arm propped up on his knee as his head sank into his palm. He hated himself for doing this to Shuichi, but he knew he had to do it. So many unexplored emotions were weighing him down, and he needed time to work them out. He couldn't torture Shuichi by staying with him when he kept thinking about Kyo, no longer with pity and guilt, but with longing.

He pulled himself together and stood, before crossing to the wardrobe and starting to pack his things.

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><p>It was late; thick darkness encompassing the main street and penetrated only by the glow of the occasional street lamps and neon signs. Kyo stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and pulled the hood up over his head in an attempt to shield himself from the biting cold.<p>

He reached his block and punched in the code; the building was lit inside, and his eyes took a few seconds to readjust. He took the stairs; no matter how achy he was after a long shift, the climb was considerably better than the lift. Kyo hated lifts.

The first thing he noticed was the smell of cigarette smoke, just as he turned into his corridor; it was unusual because nobody really smoked outside their flats. He kept walking, head bowed.

The second thing he noticed was the pair of shoes outside his flat; smart shoes on the end of a pair of equally smart trousers. He looked up and saw the shaggy blonde hair, the brooding amber eyes that made his throat close up and his chest squeeze tight. Eiri.

His visitor didn't say anything. He didn't have to; the bag at his feet told Kyo everything he needed to know.

"No." He stated bluntly, hating the panicked edge to his voice but unable to mask it. "You can't be here." Eiri didn't move.

He didn't know what to do; the hand clutching his keys in his pocket clenched so tight he felt the metal cutting a groove into his palm. Kyo lowered his voice, his eyes dropping to the floor. "Please Eiri, don't do this." His jaw clenched, a nervous habit. He couldn't look Eiri in the eye; it made him sick to think about how weak he was, even after all these years. Pathetic.

"Christ." He breathed, his eyes closing briefly.

"Ok... Ok." He moved to the door and unlocked it, pushing it open. "Get in here." He hissed.

Eiri, collected and emotionless as ever, dropped his cigarette to the floor and stepped on it, grinding it with his heel before picking up the bag and entering the flat to place it on the floor. Kyo slammed the door and, pausing with his back to Eiri to slow his breathing, stuffed the keys back into his pocket and turned to his guest.

"I'm not a fucking queer." He spat, his hands balled into fists at his sides. Eiri didn't even flinch. "I'm not going to be your boyfriend." His tone dripped with venom even as he felt his face flush.

"You _need_ to leave me alo-mmph!" Eiri's mouth slammed into his forcefully, shutting him up. Kyo stiffened, but didn't pull back.

When Eiri moved away, Kyo saw that he was smiling; a glint of triumph in his eyes. "If you're telling the truth," Eiri breathed, his voice low, "why don't you push me away?"

Kyo blinked, his face turning pale. He seemed to be searching for something to say; he opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words. He turned away, running a hand through his hair.

"Christ Eiri," he murmured, "why are you doing this to me?"

"What are you so afraid of?" Eiri asked.

"Don't you see how difficult you're making things for me?" Kyo cried, turning back to face him.

"Just like always." He added, his voice lower.

"Whenever you're around, everything gets so... so much more complicated than it has to be."

Eiri felt a little guilty seeing the look on his face, the way he forced the words out, unable to explain properly. It reminded him of himself.

"One night." Kyo stated flatly, looking up at Eiri. "You can stay one night. Then you're going home." He kicked off his shoes and crossed to the kitchen, pulling the jumper over his head as he went. Eiri felt his stomach clench a little as Kyo's shirt rode up, exposing his back and shoulders; and then he was out of sight.

* * *

><p>Kyo had a spare blanket in the closet, and he dragged it out to lay it across the two floor cushions he had lined up. "You can sleep here." Eiri smiled a little at his stubbornness, but didn't argue, which was how he ended up lying on his back, pressed against cold, hard floorboards from the waist down and covered only by a thin blanket.<p>

He didn't know how long he had been lying that way before he pushed himself up off the floor, stiff and uncomfortable and too cold to sleep. He thought about making a coffee, but decided against it, feeling more than a little intrusive already.

He caught the faintest rustling of sheets from Kyo's room, where the screen was pushed slightly open. He found himself wondering whether his host was asleep, and crossed silently to the screen. Kyo lay on his side, his back to Eiri, his hair falling into his eyes. His face was illuminated just enough by the moonlight for Eiri to see that they were closed, thick eyelashes splayed on his cheeks. His eyes grazed Kyo's face, taking in the gentle curve of his mouth and the sharp angle of his jaw. His eyes moved to the broad shoulders, the sharp shoulder blades and the muscles that ran either side of his spine, right down to his narrow waist and the two dimples set either side of the very base of the curving spine. Kyo was longer, broader, better muscled than Shuichi; more man than boy. His face had lost the fullness and softness, the innocence that Shuichi's still held, his cheekbones, nose and jaw all forming hard, sharp angles. Yet there was something about the way his auburn hair fell softly across his forehead, strands catching in his eyelashes, his mouth slightly open, that preserved an air of humanity, fragility almost, that was impossibly endearing.

Eiri, against his better judgement, edged closer to the futon and lay down beside Kyo, pulling the thin sheets over himself.

The faint sounds of movement woke Kyo, and he found himself struggling to keep his breathing even as he was suddenly aware of the sheer proximity of his bare skin from Eiri's. He forced himself to remain motionless, pretending to be sound asleep, and suppressed a sharp intake of breath when he felt Eiri's hand glide over his ribs and around his waist. He willed his eyes to stay closed, his body to keep from trembling, as Eiri pulled himself closer so that Kyo was pressed into his chest.

The cool breath on Kyo's neck was sudden, as if Eiri was testing him, but he gritted his teeth and ignored it, clenching his jaw to suppress a moan when Eiri's lips touched the spot where his neck met his shoulder, brushing the skin with a teasing tenderness that sent shivers down Kyo's spine. Eiri remained frozen there, his lips millimetres from Kyo's skin, for what felt like hours; Kyo lying as still as he could, before he pulled his head back and laid it on the pillow beside Kyo's, closing his eyes.

Kyo relaxed; he didn't know why he was letting Eiri sleep in his bed, why he hadn't just confronted him the minute he entered the room, but no matter how much he pushed this man away, he knew Eiri would always win. Just like before, and just like always.


	5. Chapter 5

**I have no acceptable excuse for why it has taken me so appallingly long to upload this. To tell you the truth, I have been busy but I have also been unforgiveably lazy, and as a result this chapter is a sort of filler before we get to anything interesting. Anyway, I hope you like it. Sorry it took so long!**

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><p>Hiro entered the studio ten minutes late to find that Shuichi still hadn't arrived yet. The frontman of Bad Luck was often a little late, but it was only when a good hour had passed with no sign of Shuichi that Hiro began to worry. He pulled his cell phone out of his jacket and found Shindou's number, but when he dialled it Shuichi didn't pick up.<p>

Hiro frowned and looked up the number for the apartment Mr Yuki and Shuichi shared. Surely he would have left by now, but it was worth a try.

The phone had barely begun to ring when Shuichi snatched it up "Yuki?" His voice was high pitched with desperation, and Hiro understood why Shuichi wasn't at work. Of course, he and Yuki had had a fight.

"It's me Shuichi." He explained apologetically.

"Oh." The disappointment in the singer's voice was painful to listen to. "So you and Mr Yuki had a fight huh?" Hiro asked gently.

"He's gone Hiro!" Shuichi broke out into sobs. "He left last night!" Hiro's eyes widened.

"What do you mean?" Shuichi choked on his tears, "he just left."

"He'd been acting weird, talking about someone he ran into the other day who he'd known years ago, I didn't understand why he was so worried about it, but it turned out he felt really guilty about not seeing him for so long or something... Then he was gone all night and... and when I got home yesterday he said..." his words dissolved into sobs.

"He said what Shu?" Hiro pressed "what did he say?"

"He... he spent the night with Kyo! He left me for him! The stupid bastard!" Shuichi yelled, then, his voice softer "how could he do this to me... I love him Hiro."

Hiro couldn't find the right words. "Shu I... I'm so sorry buddy. I... I don't know what to say..."

"Maybe he'll come back..." He suggested limply.

"I don't think so," Shuichi whispered.

"Listen just... just get some rest, I'm coming over."

"Ok."

K was fuming when he hung up the phone, "I'm coming over?" He quoted, eyes narrowed, pistol levelled at Hiro's head.

"He's a mess. Yuki left him last night." Hiro explained distractedly, massaging the back of his neck.

Sakano dropped to his knees, sobbing. "Oh God... We won't see him for at least another week! Bad Luck has deadlines; we have at least another six tracks to finish before the end of the month!"

K swung the pistol around to aim it at Sakano's head. "Sakano, you don't even manage them anymore, leave this to me. Hiro – "he began, turning back to the guitarist, but Hiro was already gone. "Hmph" he muttered irritably, before blowing a hole in the plaster just to the right of the door frame. Fujisaki stood.

"We can't get anything done if nobody's here, I'm going home."

* * *

><p>Kyo woke early as always, the sunlight pouring over his face and forcing his eyes open. He lay still for a few seconds, feeling Eiri's breath on the back of his neck. His eyes moved to the arm wrapped possessively around his waist, watching Eiri's fingers twitch almost imperceptibly in sleep. It was funny, he thought, how much you could tell about a person from their hands. Eiri's were slender; elegant, just like the rest of him, his fingers long and almost feminine. His skin was pale, contrasting with Kyo's, which was tanned a light brown. The paleness told him Eiri spent most of his time inside, probably writing, although there was no telltale groove in any of his fingers to show he wrote by hand.<p>

Yet Kyo already knew all of these things. He gently lifted the hand from his stomach and placed it at Eiri's side, careful not to wake him. The awkwardness of facing him, after allowing Eiri to share his bed, was not something he cared to imagine.

He slid out from under the sheet and stood, rubbing his eyes, before crossing to the chest of drawers against the wall at the foot of the futon. He piled clothes into his arms and moved to the door that led straight through to the bathroom from his room. Something made him glance back as he opened the door; back at Eiri's sleeping face. The resemblance to the Eiri he remembered was more striking in sleep, once those cold eyes were hidden behind closed lids. It was a coldness that Kyo had recognised when he had met Eiri in the street that time just a few days ago.

He realised now that it was from his own reflection that he recognised it.

He tore his gaze away from Eiri's face and left the room, shaking his head. It was true what he'd said the night before, having Eiri around always made things more complicated. When he was alone, it was easy to drift through the days without having to feel anything, without having to worry about anything other than earning a living. But as long as Eiri was there, everything suddenly became so much more important, because suddenly he had something to lose.

He pulled off the thin grey pyjama pants he had slept in and stepped into the shower, turning the water up as hot as he could stand it. Under the steady stream, away from Eiri, it was easier to work things through; order his thoughts. Granted, there were certain things he didn't want to think about, and dwelling on the past few days wasn't helping him make any sense of things, but at least it left him just a little closer to forming some kind of solution.

He couldn't let this... this thing with Eiri move any further than it already had. He had been this way once before, and it had brought him only heartache. Eiri didn't want him; not really, he wanted Kitazawa, Shuichi Shindou, anyone but Kyo. People didn't want Kyo, people left him.

He sighed heavily and turned off the water before stepping out of the cubicle and grabbing a towel.

Eiri had to leave, eventually. But... maybe not just yet.

He pulled on yesterday's khaki combat pants over his boxer shorts and slipped into a black t- shirt before exiting the bathroom, scrubbing his wet hair with the towel. He was lighting a cigarette, the towel around his shoulders as he waited for the water to boil for his coffee, when Eiri came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Kyo's waist and resting his chin on his left shoulder.

Kyo stiffened. He removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled, "please tell me you're wearing pants."

"Nope."

Kyo closed his eyes. "Get the fuck off me."

Eiri laughed and released him, coming around one side to pour the hot water onto the coffee grains in Kyo's cup. The bed sheet was tied loosely around his hips. He picked up the coffee cup and re entered the bedroom.

"You are so irritating." Kyo sighed as he poured a second coffee for himself.

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><p>Shuichi hadn't locked the door, and Hiro let himself in. He went straight to the bedroom, knocking on the door just in case Mr Yuki had returned. He hadn't, Hiro could hear Shuichi sniffling in there. He stuck his head around the door and saw his friend, looking very small in the middle of the bed, and surrounded by screwed up tissues and candy wrappers.<p>

"Shu?" Hiro choked.

"Hiro," was the wailed response as Shuichi looked up to see him standing awkwardly in the doorway. "He's gone!"

Hiro sat beside Shuichi on the bed and put an arm around him, "I know. I'm sorry Shuichi."

He sat stiffly while Shuichi cried into his shirt.

"Tell you what, I think I'll stay with you for a while if that's okay. I mean, someone has to keep an eye on you right? And maybe, when Ayaka comes to visit, you can come out with us?"

Shuichi's eyes seemed to be twice their regular size when he stared gratefully up at him, "oh Hiro thank you!" He gushed, hugging him a little too tightly for Hiro's comfort.

"You're welcome." He gasped.

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><p>Nami couldn't shift the lingering sense of guilt as she let herself into her flat that night; she felt as though Genji had tricked her. At the time, she couldn't see what was so important about Mr Yuki's visit to Kyousuke Kagasaki's apartment. But that was before she remembered Shuichi Shindou. Of course, she thought, if there was a suspicion that Mr Yuki had another lover, the press would be all over it in days. That said; Kagasaki had never struck her as quite the type to have those kinds of... relations with another man. Truthfully, she couldn't really imagine him having those kinds of relations with anybody; Nami had always had something of a crush on Mr Kagasaki, ever since he had arrived in Tokyo a few months ago.<p>

He was very good looking, and there was an air of mystery about his coldness that had attracted her to him. His reserved nature seemed to push most people away, but it had only drawn Nami closer as she found herself wondering what could have made him that way. She used to bump into him in the hallway outside her apartment sometimes, and would always greet him. She had waited for weeks for him to smile back at her, but he never did. Kyousuke didn't have a lover as far as she knew, he didn't really seem to have... well, anybody. He didn't go away to visit family or friends, nobody ever entered his apartment except for himself...

She wondered if maybe there was something going on between Mr Yuki and Kyousuke. If Genji put it into the papers, Mr Yuki could be ruined, and Kyousuke... poor Kyousuke, who hated people, who wouldn't let himself get close to anybody... Nami leant against the door and sank to the ground, realising what she had done.


	6. Chapter 6

**Longer chapter to make up for the shortness of the last one, almost entirely eiri/kyo, but the next chapter should shake things up a little. **

**As always reviews are much appreciated, a special thank you to SwordxSen as hers are always so sweet and encouraging. I hope you like this chapter!**

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><p>Kyo's flat was dull after he left, and Eiri spent most of the day working on his latest novel; his fingers dancing over the keys with a precision and speed built up over years of writing. It was almost a relief to find Kyo's refrigerator practically empty by the time midday rolled around, as it gave him something to do. He guessed that Kyousuke didn't go out to buy groceries too often, from what he had gathered Kyo worked long hours for little pay, although where he worked exactly Eiri still did not know.<p>

He drove to the nearest supermarket, wondering whether Kyousuke still liked tempura as much as he used to; but then again, Satsuki used to make the best tempura... He decided against it, and wandered the aisles looking for a suitable alternative. He might as well put something towards dinner considering he was living with Kyo, although who knew how long that would last.

He wondered whether he was taking advantage of Kyo. He had betrayed him once before, and it was going to take a long time, if ever, to rebuild the bond of trust they had shared; Kyousuke wasn't lying when he said it was difficult for him to have Eiri around, and he found himself wondering whether it was fair to do this to him. But then, what about this situation was fair? Leaving Shuichi hadn't been fair, but going back now would be even worse. All Eiri knew was that right now all he wanted was for Kyo to trust him again.

He ran a hand through his hair as he stood in front of a shelf of noodles, staring at the labels without really reading them. He had acted stupidly. Sleeping with Kyo, packing up and leaving Shuichi all because of one crazy spontaneous mistake... but then it hadn't been a mistake. Although Eiri felt sad, guilty, about the way he'd left Shuichi, it was easy to push it to the back of his mind, drowned out by an overwhelming sense of... of happiness. Of warmth, at the chance to make things right with Kyousuke. If he fixed things with him, it would be almost as if he had made up for the mistakes of the past, and it was more than that. It was that feeling he used to get when he looked at Yuki; that feeling of overwhelming adoration. It wasn't there all the time, but that first night with Kyo, just for a minute, it had threatened to overcome him completely.

It made him feel vulnerable, that feeling, it was usually something he ran away from. But Shuichi had shown him that running away would only make him miserable. And he had been right. Eiri had no intention of running away from Kyo.

* * *

><p>Kyo was pissed when he got home from work, in both senses of the word. He slammed the door to the apartment unceremoniously, kicking his shoes off as he tried to scrub the rain out of his hair with his hands. He pulled off his wet jacket and dropped it on the floor before heading straight for the refrigerator, ignoring Eiri as he sat on the floor, back to the wall and laptop resting on his legs. He continued to type as Kyo entered the kitchen behind him.<p>

Kyo pulled open the door of the fridge. "What the fuck is this?"

Eiri didn't look up from the computer screen. "You were running a little low." He stated flatly.

"So you thought you'd just go out and restock my fucking refrigerator like I'm some kind of charity case?" Kyo yelled, throwing up his hands.

"I'm not gonna be a fucking... kept boy." He spat. Eiri said nothing, deleting his last sentence and proceeding to retype it. "Hey!" Kyo called to him, coming out of the kitchen to stand a little unsteadily in front of him. "Are you listening to me?"

"Hey!" Eiri stopped, his fingers pausing just a fraction from the keys. He looked up at Kyo, his eyes blazing over the top of his glasses. "There was no food in your goddamned house Kyo, what the hell was I supposed to do?"

"How about you go back to your own goddamned house?" Kyo slurred venomously.

"You want me to leave?" Eiri questioned, closing the laptop and placing it on the floor beside him before removing his glasses and folding them on top. He stood.

"Yes I want you to leave!" Kyo fumed. "I told you, one night. Time's up Eiri."

Eiri stepped towards him. "What will it take to persuade you otherwise?"

"No." Kyo moved back towards the kitchen. "You're not pulling that shit with me again." Eiri followed, leaning against the door frame as Kyo lit a cigarette. "This is my fucking house," he was muttering as Eiri came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. He kissed his neck just as Kyo took the cigarette in his mouth, inhaling deeply and massaging his forehead. "Eiri.." he started to say.

He dropped the cigarette in the sink and turned around the face him, "stop it," he urged as Eiri leaned into him again, "you don't want me. You have to go." Eiri ignored him, moving from his mouth, but Kyo grabbed his shirt at the shoulders. "You can't keep doing this to me." He hissed. "I _know_ you. I _know_ what you're doing. And you know that I'll let you because you know how much I fucking love you." The tears started coming as he was choking out the words, his jaw clenched. "It's not fair Eiri! It's not! I can't do it again!"

Eiri stopped, stunned, then horribly guilty. His hands moved to Kyo's face. "I'm sorry." He breathed. "I'm sorry." Kyo's hands still clutched at Eiri's shirt. "I can't... I can't do it. The closer I get... the more it's gonna hurt when you leave." Eiri didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything, just pulled Kyo into an embrace and held him there. Kyo pushed him back, into the wall between the kitchen and the main room. "Stop!" He yelled in his face, tears flowing freely now. Eiri moved his hands to Kyo's elbows, "Kyo, you're drunk." He stated gently.

"It's okay, it's okay." He pulled Kyo's hands away from his shirt, so that he could no longer maintain the distance between them. "No." Kyo was sobbing as he pulled out of Eiri's grasp and stumbled backward. "Kyo. I'm not going to do anything –"

"I hate you!" Kyo yelled. "I hate you!" And suddenly Eiri was reminded of the old Kyo, and he knew what to do. He moved to where Kyo stood, "Kyousuke..." he breathed. Kyo froze. "It's okay."

"I don't..."

Eiri shushed him, "it's okay." He stepped forward slowly, as if approaching a nervous stray. Kyo started to back off but Eiri caught him gently. "Listen to me." He urged softly. "Kyo."

"I'm sorry. I want to make up for it." He insisted. "I want to make up for what I did. Please, let me."

"I can't –"

"You're not listening. It'll be different this time. I promise."

"I –"

"Come on. You should get some rest, you can sleep on it." Kyo struggled out of his grip again and began to protest, but stopped, lifting a hand to his head and groaning. He steadied himself on the counter behind him as Eiri watched, a bemused smile playing on his lips. Kyo had worn himself out.

"I think maybe you had a little too much to drink." Eiri stated, leaning nonchalantly against the counter opposite. "You think?" Was Kyo's bitter response. He moved away from the counter and swayed forward, Eiri caught him as he passed out.

* * *

><p>Genji Rukachi was a happy man. He smiled broadly as he entered his office; he had finally got a story that would make him rich. His big break. And for just ¥120,000, a fraction of the money this kind of news would make. Eiri Yuki; acclaimed romance novelist and A list celebrity, having a secret affair with a mystery stranger? The fans would just lap it up.<p>

And the photos... they were the best part. Genji had made a point of incessantly tailing Mr Yuki for the next few days after his first visit to the stranger; Nami had refused to give a name, claiming that surely it was not necessary. Although following Eiri had quickly become tedious, Genji had received his reward just three days later, when Mr Yuki had slipped out of his house just after ten and driven straight back to the apartment he had visited that first time. It was then that Genji had managed to get into the hotel opposite and book a room with a balcony, so that he could look straight across and through the windows of the apartment opposite...

It had been worth the trouble he'd gone to getting into the hotel when he saw the fight through the window; using his digital camera like a pair of binoculars he had zoomed in on the scene as it unfolded before him, snapping picture after picture as what started out as a grapple had quickly descended into something else altogether.

And then; that priceless image, showing Eiri Yuki, his starched white shirt almost as dishevelled as his distinctive blonde hair, arms wrapped possessively around the waist of another handsome, shirtless man as their mouths locked forcefully together. Genji had captured everything.

* * *

><p>Kyo was still dressed in yesterday's combat pants when he woke, unable to remember how he had got to bed last night. His head throbbed uncomfortably, a familiar but no less unpleasant sensation. He groaned and rolled onto his back, brown eyes fluttering open. Sunlight was streaming into the room, illuminating a mess of golden hair just below the window. Eiri sat; his back to the wall, at the foot of the futon, typing away at his laptop. "Morning sunshine," he grunted, his voice laden with sarcasm, as Kyo stirred.<p>

"What time is it?" Kyo croaked in response.

"Just past eleven."

"What? Shit! I have to be at work," Kyo cried, lurching into a sitting position even as his hand flew to his head.

"Don't move." Eiri commanded. "I called in. Told them you were sick."

"What?" Kyo groaned, rubbing his throbbing temples. "You don't even know where I –"

"Called your work number." Eiri explained impatiently, waving Kyo's cell phone at him, though his eyes remained on the laptop screen.

"But I'm not sick. Why didn't you wake me?"

"As a matter of fact you are." Eiri countered, finally taking his eyes off the computer to survey Kyo over the top of his glasses. "You're running a pretty high fever since you got drenched on your way home last night. I figured you could use some sleep. You can thank me later."

Kyo frowned, "I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Go to sleep."

Kyo hesitated, then lay back reluctantly. He hadn't taken a single day off work since he got here. He worked in a tire factory, and cheap labour was easily expendable. "If I lose my job..."

"You won't." Eiri had gone back to typing. Kyo shifted uncomfortably in the bed, feeling redundant, but couldn't find the energy to get up. He noticed Eiri glancing at him over the top of the laptop screen as he pulled the bed sheets up over his bare chest. "What?" He grunted irritably.

"You have a fever."

"And?"

"You need to cool down."

"It's freezing."

"You think you're freezing because you have a fever." Eiri sighed. "You're actually over heating;" he stood and crossed to Kyo's side, before crouching and placing a hand against his forehead. "What are you doing?" Kyo moaned, frowning.

"I'm checking your temperature."

"I'm fine."

Eiri sighed. "You're so much more compliant when you're asleep."

Kyo grunted indignantly but said nothing, and allowed Eiri to rest his cool hand against flushed skin. "No better," Eiri murmured, looking a little concerned. He stood, "you want anything to eat?"

"Just water; and I could do with a cigarette."

Eiri smiled wryly and left the room, coming back with a glass of water which he placed on the floor beside Kyo's bed. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and placed it gently between Kyo's lips, before plucking his lighter from the same pocket and allowing the small flame to lick the end of it. Kyo closed his eyes, lifting a hand to his mouth as he inhaled, then took the cigarette between his fingers to sigh out the smoke. He relaxed, even allowing Eiri to fold back the thin sheets so that he was once again uncovered from the waist up.

"What happened last night?" Kyo breathed quietly.

"You don't remember?"

"Not really." Eiri raised his eyebrows. Everything Kyo had said about him leaving had clearly been forgotten. He wasn't about to remind him.

"We had a fight. It doesn't matter. You passed out and I brought you in here. You slept like a baby."

"Did you sleep?" Kyo asked, re opening his eyes. They were slightly clouded with the fever and his hangover, but still reasonably lucid.

"A little," Eiri responded, sitting beside Kyo. He noticed him shiver slightly, and remembered he had taken some painkillers from the bathroom cupboard; he reached back into his pocket, trading the lighter for a strip of pills and popping two out into his palm.

"Sit up," he directed Kyo.

"What? Why?"

Eiri showed him the pills. "These should help with your hangover, and hopefully regulate your temperature."

Kyo sighed and struggled to push himself up; Eiri took the cigarette from his hand and placed it in his own mouth before passing Kyo the pills, leaving his hands free to guide him into a sitting position.

He handed Kyo the glass from the floor and watched him place a pill on his tongue and swallow it in a mouthful of water. He took a drag on the cigarette as Kyo swallowed the second pill, watching the way his Adam's apple moved when he swallowed.

There was something magnetically attractive about this uncharacteristically submissive Kyo, and Eiri let his eyes roam freely over face and body, both covered in a sheen of sweat. "Stop staring at me," Kyo demanded bluntly, lying back and holding out his hand for the cigarette. Eiri smiled, handing it over.

"Eiri... did you ever break up with that little pink haired kid?" Eiri was a little taken aback at the directness of Kyo's question, but there was no malice in his voice.

"Who, Shuichi?"

"Well how many kids with pink hair do you know?" Kyo mocked, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Eiri's smile returned. "Of course I broke up with him. I wanted to be with you." He hoped Kyo would understand the sincerity of his words. "His face is on your lighter."

Eiri blinked. Of course Kyo would be hurt by that, it would only fuel his distrust. How could he be so stupid? Using that lighter?

"It's old. It doesn't mean anything."

Kyo gave no response, and they maintained a companionable silence for a while. He held the cigarette loosely, and Eiri plucked it from his hand as it started to droop back toward the bed. Kyo fell asleep. Eiri stood and carried the cigarette back into the main room where he stubbed it out in the ash tray on the coffee table. He ran a hand through his hair as he re entered Kyo's bedroom. He shivered in his sleep, and Eiri relented, slipping out of his shirt, he crossed to the futon and lay down beside Kyo, pulling the sheets up to his own waist, Kyo was a heavy sleeper, and it was easy to pull him close so that his head rested on Eiri's chest.

Gravitating towards the source of the warmth. Kyo murmured something unintelligible in sleep and shifted closer, his arm sliding up so that his fingers curled against Eiri's neck, the side of his face was pressed to Eiri's skin and he could feel Kyo's eyelashes twitch slightly against him. He left his fingers slide through Kyo's hair as he slept, listening to his breathing as he lay there.

It was exceedingly out of character for Eiri to be this relaxed, that he could allow himself to just lie here with Kyo, to forget about his deadlines and his appointments and all those little things pressing in at him from the corners of his mind. But here in this little apartment, away from the sounds and smells of Tokyo... It was like their own little world, where nothing else really mattered. His work, his family, even Shuichi, here it was as if they were simply figures of his imagination, he could pretend they didn't even exist. He wrapped his free hand loosely around Kyo's waist, thinking of nothing but the warmth of the sunlight on his face and the soft sound of Kyo's breathing.


	7. Chapter 7

**I know I haven't updated in a while, sorry! I'm almost done with my exams, finishing on the 25th. This is a little shorter than the last chapter, but with more of the actual plot. Hope you like it, as always, reviews are much appreciated, thanks x**

**I do not own Gravitation, only the character of Kyousuke along with his family, and Genji and Nami. I am not writing this for profit, it is purely to entertain, let's hope it does!**

* * *

><p>Kyo was embarrassed when he work up to find himself lying on Eiri's chest; it made him feel stupid and pathetic. That said, it was warm and comfortable and he had yet to work out whether Eiri was even awake. He shifted a little so that he could look up at his face, and relaxed when he saw that his eyes were closed. Kyo shuffled out of his grasp and lay on his stomach beside him; he could tell it was early, as the first rays of sunlight were only just breaking through the clouds outside. Dawn. He watched the light play over Eiri's face, his breathing slow and even.<p>

Kyo was in a good mood this morning; the fever had apparently cleared up, and getting some real sleep had done him a world of good; it was the first time in a long time he had not woken up tired. He showered and dressed, before heading into the kitchen to make coffee, He could faintly hear the bed sheets rustling in the other room, and he wondered whether Eiri was awake yet. He had let him sleep in his bed again. It was becoming a kind of routine; falling back into the same old patterns.

He would push Eiri away, Eiri would push back, and somehow, somehow he would break into Kyo's defences, wear him down until... until what? Until he found somebody else and left?

Kyo closed his eyes, forcing the thought from his mind. He didn't know where this thing with Eiri was going; he knew he'd have to kick him out eventually, before Eiri could make him vulnerable enough to be hurt, but...

The truth was; he was falling in love with him all over again.

Looking back on it now, he had always been a little in love with Eiri. When they were little kids, way back before the accident... he had simply been in awe of him, looked up to him, idolised him the way that Eiri grew to idolise Kitazawa. After the accident he had hated him at first; hated everyone and everything except his mother. He had wanted no one but her, and she had blamed and rejected him and it had torn him apart. Throughout that time he had taken Eiri for granted, hadn't even realised how much worse off he would have been if it wasn't for him. But by the time he had realised it was too late. He was sent away to school and Eiri was infatuated with Kitazawa to the point where he forgot about Kyo completely.

It was then that Kyo had started to understand; over those next four years he had tried to work out his feelings for Eiri and had realised that they went far beyond friendship and into a deeper emotion that he couldn't properly describe. Love seemed too simple a word. He would do anything for him; kill for him, die for him. He had all this love to give; for his mother, his father, Kenta... But they were gone, and instead he found himself clinging devotedly to Eiri. But he couldn't let him know that. He couldn't fall back into that same trap.

If his childhood had taught him anything, it was that he couldn't ever let himself depend on anyone. People let you down, people died; somebody else's life was too fragile for you to rely on, and the people you really loved rarely felt the same.

Kyo rubbed his forehead, trying to clear his head. It was thoughts like this that had landed him in yesterday's mess, hung over and sick and essentially vulnerable.

He poured boiling water over his coffee and stirred the grains around slowly. Watching the sunlight break through the window and spill across the counter. He was glad to have work again today; it would give him something to do, some time away from Eiri where he could think.

He looked into his room before he left; Eiri was awake, but looked as though he hadn't been for long. Kyo's face was stony as he placed a cup of coffee by the bed, "here." He made an effort to keep his tone blunt. "I'm... I'm going to work; I guess I'll see you later." Eiri grunted in response, not really registering his words, and Kyo left quietly. It was only after the front door closed softly behind him that Eiri realised that Kyo had actually said goodbye to him. He blinked and wrapped his hands around the coffee cup, soaking up its warmth. What was it he'd said? _I'll see you later_. So he wasn't even pushing Eiri to leave any more. He smiled.

* * *

><p>He didn't see it on the way to work. It was too early, and he took the subway, getting little view of the many magazine stalls that would later be emblazoned with scandalous celebrity photographs. No, it was only on the way home that Kyo first laid eyes on it.<p>

It was not a long walk from the subway to the main street and his apartment building; but the cold and the darkness made it seem that way. It was raining again, not the pelting spears that had left him so drenched two nights ago, but a fine, glittering mist that made little noise but soaked everything it touched with a cold clammy dampness. By the time he turned into the street he was dreading the climb up all those stairs, his bones aching with the weariness of a hard day's work. The magazine stalls were packing up everywhere; the main street was entirely pedestrianised and parking for the hotels and apartments was all located behind the buildings and accessible only via back streets, so the stalls were set up everywhere, selling newspapers and magazines, cigarettes and candy bars and energy drinks to passersby on their way to or from work. Kyo never bought anything from them, except maybe cigarettes now and then, he had no interest in the world of celebrities, or in politics or share prices or anything else he might find in the magazines or newspapers, and candy or energy drinks were just a waste of money that he didn't have.

He didn't want to buy anything today; he was cold and tired and he just wanted to get home, but something caught his eye. He stopped; unable to breathe, he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Most of the stall's goods were already packed away, but a couple of magazine racks lingered hopefully out front. It was one of the magazines that had caught his attention; it was almost sold out, and with good reason. Splashed across the front page in large, bold type were the words "EIRI YUKI'S SECRET LOVER? He didn't understand; how could the press possibly know? It was impossible; it had to be a rumour, he told himself, it couldn't be him they were referring to, there was no way.

Then he saw the pictures; they were blurry, unfocussed, taken from a distance, but there was no mistaking the subject. Eiri's distinctive blonde hair was tousled, his arms wrapped possessively around Kyo's waist, his tongue in Kyo's mouth. His shirt was half undone, Kyo's chest was bare, the faded red burn across his ribs and shoulder was clearly visible, making him instantly recognisable to anyone who knew him.

"Can I help you mister?" The stallholder probed suddenly, Kyo's head snapped up. "No." He replied sharply.

The man looked slightly taken aback, but turned away to continue packing up without another word. Kyo picked up one of the magazines and rolled it up to stuff it in his jacket. He started to walk quickly away, just as the stallholder turned to take another look at him; the auburn hair, the light tan, that look of fear on his face... "You!" He began, but Kyo was already gone, pelting down the street and into his apartment building.

He took the stairs two at a time, ignoring the fierce protest from his aching muscles, and lurched into his corridor, half expecting to find himself wading through paparazzi; it was mercifully empty. He let himself in and stepped out of his shoes.

Eiri wasn't in the living room as Kyo turned to lean heavily back against the door, struggling to slow his breathing; instead he found him in the kitchen, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a cigarette to his lips.

"Get away from the window." Kyo panted. Eiri turned his head, glancing at Kyo with a look of vague amusement, his face veiled in smoke. "What?"

"Just do it. Get away from the window." Eiri's eyes narrowed, scanning Kyo's face; seeing only panic, he obliged, stepping back from the window and coming to join Kyo in the main room. He sat down, watching Kyo yank down the blinds, shutting out the night.

"What are you doing?" Eiri tapped his cigarette over the ashtray on the coffee table in front of him.

Kyo was silent, running a shaking hand through his wet hair. "Kyo-" Eiri began.

"Did you know about this?" The magazine slapped down on the table before him, it's headline glaring up at him. Eiri blinked.

"Did you?" Kyo repeated; his fists clenched at his sides as he waited for a response.

"No." Eiri stubbed out the cigarette, his face expressionless. "No I didn't."

Confusion drifted across Kyo's face, accentuating his panic; Eiri sensed he was close to losing it. "I haven't had any press involvement since my last book release two months ago. However they got these," he said, gesturing towards the pictures, "it's nothing to do with me."

Kyo's jaw clenched, he paused, he paced, he ran both hands through his hair, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. He tried to slow his breathing, struggling to find some kind of solution. There wasn't one.

"What do we do?" He asked eventually.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know!" Kyo cried, "I'm not your... your 'secret lover'," he spat "I... I don't want people to think that! _Everybody_ who knows me will recognise me in that photo. Everybody. That means... that means I'll have your family to answer to, Mika and Tatsuo and... and goddamn it even Tohma will be on my case about it and all _this_... this _bullshit_... it isn't true! You can handle this; you get this all the time! You can just tell people the pictures are fake, that it isn't you, but me? This is different for me. Your family, they'll know they're real; the burns... it proves that it's me... I can't...I can't face them. I can't..." He dropped to his knees, his hands fisted in his hair. "What _can _I do?"

"First; we can wait. We don't know the scale of this yet. It could blow over in a matter of days."

"It won't,"

"Give it a chance." Eiri's voice was stern. "I can talk to my family; you don't have to explain anything to them."

Kyo's fingers uncurled, his hand sliding out of his hair and into his lap, he looked up. "What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I mean _this_. You and me..."

"I don't know yet."

Eiri held his gaze for several long seconds, Kyo tore his eyes away first. He stood slowly, picking up the magazine from the table on his way to his room. Eiri watched him go.

* * *

><p>He worked on his novel for a little while after that, it took him an hour to realise that Kyo hadn't eaten anything since he got in from work. Considering he was the guest, he took it upon himself to make something. It wasn't anything fancy, just a carton of instant noodles, but it was hot and it was food and he was pretty sure Kyo must be hungry by now.<p>

He had come to admire Kyo's determination about his job; he worked in a tyre factory, doing some kind of manual work. It didn't pay well but Kyo wasn't qualified for a higher ranking position, and he was the kind of person who much preferred to be doing something physical than sitting in an office. Eiri hadn't failed to notice how he would often come home looking tire; his hours were long, he would leave early in the morning and come home after dark. But he was determined to do it, to pay the rent and support himself.

Eiri lit another cigarette and held it between his lips, sticking a pair of chopsticks into the steaming noodles and picking up the carton.

Eiri entered the bedroom to find Kyousuke lying on his stomach across the futon, the magazine open in front of him. His chin rested on his folded arms, his eyes flicking lazily over the double page spread spilling 'details' about Eiri's scandalous affair.

"Stop torturing yourself." He placed the carton next to Kyo's elbow and leaned against the wall separating bedroom from bathroom opposite Kyo.

Kyo flipped it shut, frowning and closing his hands around the carton of noodles. "Thanks."

Eiri smoked silently, watching him stir the noodles around. "Are you gonna eat them or just play with them?"

Kyo pushed them away. "I lost my appetite." He dropped his chin back onto his arms.

"This is really bothering you isn't it?" Eiri probed gently. Kyo looked up at him, he didn't need to say anything.

"Fine." Eiri said suddenly, his eyes glittering ominously. "I'll make you a deal."

Kyo frowned, already feeling uncomfortable at the thought of what Eiri may have planned.

"If you can resist me for five whole days..." Kyo laughed "_resist _you?"

Eiri's grin didn't even waver. "I'll do whatever you want. Leave, pay off the press, pretend none of this ever happened. Whatever you want."

Kyo was silent for a moment, thinking it through.

"What's the catch?" He questioned warily. "What happens if I lose?"

Eiri's eyes locked on Kyo's. "If you lose... you have to do whatever I want. For one night."

Kyo stared at him momentarily, then laughed "you're a sick bastard you know that? A total pervert."

Eiri smiled, bringing the cigarette to his lips. "Your choice."

Kyo fell silent, his head falling back onto his arms as he contemplated the offer. Eiri exhaled slowly.

"Fine."

Eiri raised his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised.

Kyo didn't meet his eyes. "It's a deal."


End file.
